i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
