i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
