I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize