you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
