mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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