i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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