I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
