In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
PANTIES FOUND
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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