I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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