How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
