I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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