I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
