our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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