Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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