so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You ruined the universe
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
