K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
