they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
