idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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