Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
