I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He passed out mid-signature
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
