He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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