Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
