i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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