It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
