I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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