I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
