dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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