I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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