I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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