She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need to calm my uterus...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
