two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
