What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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