Screwed.edu
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
