talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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