Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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