she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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