i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
