There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
