umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
