i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
