I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
