She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
