He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love having hate sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
