If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
