A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what day is it and did you see me today?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
