a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
