That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
