This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
