watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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