Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize