Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
