Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
