For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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