i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
