he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
