he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
