Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
