is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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