I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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