i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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