i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
