No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
