I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
