Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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