I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize