We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
