i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
