What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
