You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
