I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
