I puked a lego.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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