My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
