You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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