so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
