i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
