I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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